Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The office

O.K. I'm reaching a breaking point. Sometimes I think I will walk out of the office never to return. Just like that. To be perfectly honest, there's no good reason why I hate it so much (and yes it's hate, not dislike). By most people's standards, I have a pretty good job. They pay a decent salary, provide good health benefits, and I even have pretty good hours now. I work with great people, for great clients, in a great company that's part of a great corporation. I've spent the past 10 years trying to get comfortable in this environment, to come to terms with it, and it never happened. I can't help but ask myself, what's wrong with me? I don't know, but it's time I stop rationalizing, and move on and away.

These days, while part of my right brain is being used to analyze concepts, spacial relations, colors, and fonts, most of my brain capacity is used daydreaming about cookie recipes, making a salad with fennels with oranges - the feeling of grating parmesan cheese into the salad, visiting local farmers, and getting myself to the west coast to work with the Chez Panisse foundation (yeah right). I feel like singer who can't open her mouth, a bird with its wings tied down. Yes, it's melodramatic, but this is how I feel today. I'm totally out of my element in the office - by the time 4 o'clock hits, I have trouble thinking straight, remembering who I am, or feeling remotely alive. It's no way to live this short life.

There's no real good conclusion to this post except to comfort myself in knowing that I took a step forward. All I can do for now is be patient, be involved, and implement some creative solutions for a transition phase. To be continued...


mimala said...

is there any such thing as a 'great corporation'??? that might be a contradiction.

but we need to sell our souls sometimes to FUND our passions.

Undercover Cook said...

Ha! Believe it or not, I actually felt a bit queasy writing that line. It's French though, how bad could it be?